...
So when I see things like, "No rain, No flowers",
I can't help but wonder why people feel that rain is something you have to endure

Habits have a way of creeping back, especially ones you're better off without and then there are times you realize weird but oddly understandable things about yourself you’ve never noticed or cared to admit. August turned out to be a month of my darker shades of gray but I particularly enjoyed finding out a couple of weird normal things about myself.

Originally, I was disappointed in August because I was looking forward to a really wet month but it started out quite sunny. Turns out it needed more time to settle down because in its last days, it poured and I was absolutely delighted all cozied up in bed coloring, reading and working. I dipped a little into my rebellious/annoying side for a bit and it was quite satisfying not to always take things lying down (though I think not everyone I know will agree that I do that often 😅). Expectations affect our mood and for most of early august, I was gloomy because the weather was bright which is understandable (I will not accept counter opinions) but everything became better once August started to actually look like August. Due to me relapsing back into my journaling procrastination despite declaring I would be better in August, it's harder for me to remember everything but I'll try my best with the little I can dig up.

I woke up on the first day of august with a weird sense that I heard gunshots and it turns out, I was right. There was a nationwide protest that was scheduled to start that day and in typical fashion of my lovely (no so lovely) city, someone decided to engage the police - shots were fired, people were injured and some died including onlookers. Amidst all that I found out my router got spoiled, so August did not start on a good note and another of my devices has become a victim of AEDC power surges. To avoid this happening again, I decided to get a power guard which admittedly, I should have gotten a long time ago. The next 10 days were spent avoiding outside as much as I could because the protest thingy kept going and at one point, there were talks of higher military power being called in to keep the "peace". My workload wasn't very tasking during this time and looking back, I could have easily done school work but I didn't 🤦🏾‍♀️. The first half of august played with my emotions a lot and I just kept getting angry at the slightest inconvenience, I was partially sociable (trying to find something to look forward to) and partially pissed. I opted to sleep and continued reading Siege and Storm while hating the main character. I finally was able to complete the book series before the end of August.

In other book related news, I realized that there are sub genres in the books that I enjoy though I doubt that's a thing outside of my head. First, I often say I enjoy fantasy books but it turns out, not all of them. I enjoy books that blend modern day and fantasy elements in one like Emily Wilde’s Encyclopedia of Faeries or Shigidi but books like the Shadow and Bone series weren't as enjoyable to me. This could also largely come from the book being written in the first person narrative. Talking about first person narratives, what's up with books being in that style of writing these days? It's the least enjoyable style for me because why won't I know what the other characters are thinking. Strolling around tiktok, I found out that most people claim they enjoy first person narratives because it helps them get immersed in the story. I'm already experiencing reality in the first person, why should fiction deny me the ability to read minds 🙄? This in my opinion makes it harder for me to see the world or fiction-verse as the author intended and as a result makes my reading experience too rigid especially in the case of series like the shadow and bone series where we are dealing with a whole new type of "fiction-verse", I hated the character from whose point of view I was meant to enjoy the story 🤦🏾‍♀️. This in turn made the "Grishaverse" less enjoyable as compared to if a third person was giving me the overview, since I have no bias there. This turned out to be a rant about first person narratives but don't blame me because I just found out most of the books I own and am anticipating are all in first person, ugh 😩, this has got to be the influence of wattpad.

Anyhow, by the half-way point of August, I was 80% pissed and I know it was serious because it was a rain-filled couple of months. I can't go into details about it (what with me being all mysterious 😌) but I'll just say it was work related. I barely did anything else during this time and I sort of forgot the existence of my daily journal until the last week of August which came with good news and a visit from Cookie, Muffin and their nanny (a.k.a my sister). The nanny got her posting letter that week and needed to go for her documentation, so she dropped them off at our place and took me as an assistant and file holder. I was so happy for her though.

In other fascinating (or maybe not) news, do you guys have favorite numbers that you find aesthetically pleasing or are you all normal? On a very weird evening at 5pm, I realized a few things about my relationship with numbers. There are numbers I find visually appealing:

• The number 7 but not the multiples of 7 except 14 and 21
• The number 3 and all it's even number multiples but also 21
• All 3 digit numbers that have a 7 in them but do not end with 7 unless it has a seven somewhere to balance out the 7 at the end, for example 177, 277, 787, 797 e.t.c
• All even numbers below 50
• Numbers that end with a zero, better if they have 2 or more zeros

No, I don't know why I find the above appealing, I just do. Very normal, I know 😌.

So, a couple of quirky things and a bit of self awareness on the one day I felt really depressed for no reason or more accurately, a reason I do not care to dwell on for an extended period of time. After that depressing day, I just kept getting triggered easily, I may or may not find out the reason why but at least I didn't lash out at anyone. Also, staying in a place with very little food ordering options is very stressful because anything I crave, I have to cook.

August went by faster than I thought it would but my procrastination didn't let me do anything more productive than work and random hobbies. Maybe I should get an accountability partner 🤔 and hand them a detailed plan (interested candidates may apply). Well that's really all I can remember about my Interestingly Disappointing Month of August.