Goals and Resolutions
I'm stuck in that place effort goes to hide while dreaming of success
I'm not usually a resolution type of girl but I did a bit of reflection in December that made me decide to have some resolutions. It's not something major but I also feel it's something that will in the long run alter my character a bit, hopefully for the better (at least for myself and my conscience) and so even though it's not "new year, new me", it's "new year, updated me".
I started the year with home alone and with events lined up. I was left alone with my dad for about a week and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I had a good time talking to myself, hyping myself, taking mirror-selfies and being all in me. Does this sound a little vain? probably, but I loved it. I bathed in the unique glow that is me without any boundaries. Being alone most of the time made it easy for me to be socially rested enough to go for multiple events that week. The resolution was looking good too, except for maybe my stamina training 👀.
After the January/new year events, it was back to reality and work and everyone being back home and the house being noisy again. No more relaxed hours for myself and random noises at night or in the evening. I know I might be exaggerating but at the end of the day I could feel the difference and that says a lot.
Then it was World's DeeDee's Day and I stayed home and didn't do anything but somehow this was the happiest birthday I've had in a while. I don't even want to pretend to understand why it was so but I know it was great. I got wishes from people I didn't even expect and spent a remotely active but physically inactive 14th. It's always funny how my birthday gifts always have a theme, this year it was functional gifts. It's sorta warm that my friends have noticed enough to get me something I will use daily. I'm a "never stop using a gift until it becomes unusable" type of person, so I know I'll keep using these gifts for a long time. I also did a bit of job hunting this week (back to rejection emails).
The next few days were a blur of procrastination and staying home, the only significant change is that I have adopted a slow intentional morning type of vibe and I'm loving it. It gives me some sort of movement before it's time for work, rather than just jumping from bed to laptop, a likkle groggy, a likkle annoyed 😅. Now I start working, fed and relaxed even though I have to take morning naps 👀. I forgot to mention that I published quite a few posts on substack and still have some in drafts marinating until my brain can form the words. I'll add a link to the posts at the end but one thing I've learnt from navigating and presenting my thoughts is that, "Don't ever mistake intelligence with empathy or even the ability to be open minded". BTW, I'm still munching through the Harry Potter series.
As January started wrapping up, I got invited to be part of a podcast hosted by Muse & Bloom. It put me in a sorta social mode because the hosts were old friends and I really enjoyed my talk with them, before, during and after recording. This weekend, I really started to feel the effect of my slowing down my personal life and not always rushing back to bed. I've started savoring the things I do for myself rather than just seeing them as a chore. So you can say I'm not living slow and steady but calm and steady and with my new substack I have another platform for another section of personality.
The month ended with another wedding, I woke up lazy to go but later found my inner extrovert and stepped out for a bit. A random visit ended up introducing me to an interesting cousin-ish (we're calling ourselves this because we don't really know the chain of relations 🙃). Also, the end of January signals the almost beginning of Ramadan and preparations have begun, both for spiritual and standard goals. I have also restarted my pillowcase and will soon start my velvet blanket again.
January was a month of planning and testing out processes. Feeling out if certain resolutions are going to work out and introducing some updates in my firmware and marking certain things I didn't see as bugs before.
My january subsack posts
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