April here is like a toxic lover, it's always angry until it's not

The wedding season where I live isn't always a particular month. Of course December is general but here, the wedding season is governed by islamic months. The ones that want to be married by Ramadan and the ones that want to be married before Eid-al-Adha. April was for the "I want to marry before big sallah people". There were 4 Saturdays in April and I was a wedding guest on 3 of them. That, in my opinion, was a lot of socializing. April was also of course hot as it has always been with bits and pieces of nostalgia that made it to my substack. April is the month that teases the rainy season while being on the same team as March.

The first week of April was short but a little annoying but the annoyance was from within. I kept putting off tasks and ended up with a boat load of stuff to do at the end of the week. It didn't help that I had social engagements to attend which tired me out but the process of prepping for the wedding was fun. This week I scolded myself for being irresponsible with my time. I admit I have never been good at it but this time it was worse. I still managed to meet up which I think is part of the problem because then my brain has learnt nothing and the cycle might continue. I say "might" because I'm actively trying to change. it's not going well.

After all my self motivation, the second week of April got somehow worse and I got into this "I don't want to talk to people" mood. I of course didn't lean too much into it but I think some people noticed (hopefully not). As low as I felt this week, this was also the week I went out a lot and there was also another wedding. I don't know if it made it better or worse.

I'm starting to believe I will never truly understand myself. I am my own necessary evil.

In an attempt to clear my mind, I finally wrote a March review dealing with both March and April emotions but somehow it worked and I had the most productive day in April. It started slow but ended beautifully.

The third week of April was slow and uneventful just conversations with myself about random things. Also, I realize I'm telling you guys I speak to myself a lot 😂, I promise, I'm normal. Just an overthinker sometimes but all is well upstairs.

The last week of April with the last Saturday was another wedding. At this point, I was running on vibes and the need to show up. This one had me at 3 events. I was out for three consecutive days. The literal entry in my journal on Wednesday is "tired, need to work, fatigued", the exact way I was feeling. Socializing drains me and by that time I was running on 20%. We started plans for the annual spelling bee to mark children's day too, so you can imagine how busy I was. After Saturday, I was done. Of course I have a few social commitments and the spelling Bee in May but at least I'll get some rest and boy did I rest. I slept a lot. I was just in a state of "sleepiness".

And so April ended with me prepping to go for my clearance in Abuja and preparing for more stuff to do in May. By the way, people are still getting married because there's still 3 weeks until Eid and that is enough time for those that want to take advantage of that. Yes, I didn't apologize for being late but I'm earlier than last month so cut me some slack, I'm trying 🙃.

Well, that's all about April, with its heat, filled with weddings and varying tiring thoughts.